You're exhausted. You've been up since before dawn with a mind that won't slow down, and tonight you're lying in the dark doing the math on how many hours of sleep you'll get if you fall asleep right now — which of course guarantees you won't.
This is one of the most common questions Barbara Spaulding, LCSW, has fielded across nearly 40 years of treating anxiety, and she addresses it directly in her book Anxiety and Panic: Your Path to Recovery: if you're anxious during the day, it makes sense that anxiety will follow you into the night — and be waiting for you the moment you wake up.
The morning check-in that sets your whole day
Barbara points out a habit many anxious people don't even notice they have: waking up and immediately scanning for anxiety — how bad is it today? — before you've even gotten out of bed. That single habit, done through what she calls the "anxious lens," essentially guarantees you'll find something to be anxious about, because you're actively looking for it. The fix isn't to force positivity; it's to deliberately switch the frame: "I am searching for calm today. If I get anxious, I have a skill to use."
Before bed: build the image first
Rather than waiting until you're lying awake to try to calm down, Barbara recommends starting before you get into bed. Picture a restful night specifically — not vaguely hoping for one, but actually building the image in detail, the same "calm lens" technique she uses for other anxiety triggers. Acknowledge honestly that sleep has been difficult lately, without turning that acknowledgment into a threat: "I have had trouble sleeping, and tonight I will sleep restfully. If I wake up, I can return to sleep."
What to do with 2 a.m. worry
If you wake in the middle of the night and your mind starts trying to solve problems or catastrophize, Barbara's guidance is blunt and useful: no decisions need to be made at 2 a.m. If you're worried about forgetting something, write it down and set it aside — your brain doesn't need to hold onto it as a way of "staying prepared." Then return to the image of sleep rather than the problem itself.
Reframing the fear of not sleeping
One particular anxious thought loop she flags directly: "What if I don't sleep, and I'm tired all day, and what if I never sleep again?" The calm-lens alternative isn't to promise yourself a perfect night — it's simply: "If I don't sleep well, I'll be tired, and I can still function." Removing the catastrophe from the equation often does more to help you fall asleep than trying to force sleep itself.
Build a consistent nighttime ritual
Muscle relaxation, calming music, mindfulness exercises, or a recorded relaxation track can all help — but Barbara emphasizes consistency over technique. Do the same calming routine every night, even on nights when you're not particularly anxious, so your body learns to associate the ritual itself with winding down, rather than only reaching for it in a crisis.
The bigger picture
Anxiety-driven insomnia isn't a separate problem from daytime anxiety — it's the same pattern showing up at a different time of day. The same skills that calm anxiety while you're awake (breath work, the calm lens, grounding, the "three words" technique) are the ones that help at night, too. Building a calm foundation during the day tends to quiet things at night as a natural side effect, rather than requiring a completely separate set of sleep tools.
Anxiety and sleep is one of many topics covered in the FAQ section of Anxiety and Panic: Your Path to Recovery by Barbara Spaulding, LCSW, alongside driving anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, and more. She also runs a free biweekly Anxiety Relief Zoom group — details at anxietyandpanic.net.
If ongoing insomnia is affecting your health, it's worth talking to a doctor as well — chronic sleep loss has real physical effects that deserve medical attention alongside anxiety work.