Your teenager used to love their sport, their friends, their routine — and lately, they're finding reasons to skip practice, avoiding their teammates, and seeming exhausted in a way that doesn't match how much they're actually doing. If this sounds familiar, you're not imagining it, and you're not overreacting.
Barbara Spaulding, LCSW, has worked with anxious teens throughout her nearly 40-year career, and in her book Anxiety and Panic: Your Path to Recovery, she shares the story of a fourteen-year-old athlete — a composite case drawn from her practice — whose panic attack after a game changed how she showed up for her entire life, seemingly overnight.
Why anxiety in teens often hides in plain sight
In the case study, the teen had a panic attack after a game and became terrified it would happen again — especially in front of teammates who had already noticed her acting "strange." Rather than talk to her parents, she tried to manage it alone: distracting herself with video games, missing practices, and inventing excuses, all while her self-esteem quietly eroded. This is a common pattern — teens are often highly motivated to hide anxiety rather than seek help, out of fear of being singled out or misunderstood by peers.
Anxiety often has a source the teen hasn't voiced
When the family sat down together, it came out that the real weight she was carrying had nothing to do with sports at all — her younger sibling had a serious illness years earlier and, though it was in remission, she still quietly worried it would come back. She hadn't told her parents because she didn't want to add to what they were already carrying. Her mother, trying to stay strong and positive for the family, hadn't realized that upbeat parenting had unintentionally closed off space for her daughter's fears.
This is a pattern worth watching for: teen anxiety is often a sign of emotional overload, not a standalone medical mystery. A major family stressor — illness, divorce, a move, academic pressure — can surface later as anxiety in a completely different area of a teen's life, like sports, school, or social situations, seemingly unconnected to the original stress.
What actually helped
Once the underlying stress was named and discussed openly in family sessions, the anxiety didn't disappear on its own — insight alone rarely resolves anxiety. What helped was teaching the teen concrete grounding and focus skills she could use in the moment: naming what she could feel and see around her, staying present during games instead of scanning for danger, and building a specific self-talk phrase she could return to under pressure. As those skills became more automatic, she was able to return to the sport and the friendships anxiety had been quietly taking from her.
What parents can do
A few takeaways from how this case was handled:
Don't assume a visible trigger is the real trigger. A panic attack at a game may have nothing to do with the game itself.
Check whether your own coping style is closing a door. Staying strong and positive for your kids is natural, but it can unintentionally signal that fear and worry aren't welcome topics.
Anxiety symptoms in teens can include physical complaints — headaches, stomachaches, fatigue that doesn't match their activity level — not just visible panic.
Family sessions matter. Barbara's approach consistently involves the people around the anxious person, not just the individual in isolation.
Concrete skills, not just talking, is what moves the needle. Naming the source of stress is a start; teaching the teen tools to use in real time is what actually reduces the panic attacks.
You're not overreacting, and neither are they
If your teen is showing signs of anxiety — avoidance, physical symptoms, withdrawal from things they used to enjoy — it's worth taking seriously without panicking yourself. Anxiety in teens is highly responsive to the same kind of skill-building work that helps adults, especially when the whole family is willing to look honestly at what might be underneath it.
This case and others are covered in Anxiety and Panic: Your Path to Recovery by Barbara Spaulding, LCSW, which includes practical grounding, breathing, and self-talk techniques appropriate for teens and adults alike. She also offers a free biweekly Anxiety Relief Zoom group — details at anxietyandpanic.net.